Close, But No Cigar

Close, But No Cigar
Published on Monday, August 27, 2012 by
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Difficulty getting off in front of your woman may mean you’ve got more issues than a magazine stand
Question: I can’t come when I’m getting down and dirty with my girlfriend, even though she’s tighter than airport security down there. It’s like no matter how hard i try i just can’t orgasm. Help! What’s wrong with me?
Answer: According to the National Institutes of Health, about 1-4% of men can’t show women their “O” face, which might actually be an advantage if you tend to look like Jerry Lewis being electrocuted. It’s called “ejaculatory incompetence,” the inability to orgasm in the presence of another person.
Basically, you have an internal conflict between your conscious desire (“I want to orgasm in her”) and your subconscious unwillingness (“If I let go she’s in control. She’ll dominate me. She’ll own me. I’ll be her slave. She’ll consume me. I’ll die.” Really, it’s lousy self-talk when you’re making love.
Like guys who are pee-shy in public bathrooms, you’re all suffering from a form of social anxiety. They want to pee. Their bladder is bursting. But they just can’t do it unless they’re alone. They’re fighting your fight: A conscious desire subverted by a subconscious fear.
The solution? Physically, you can use a bridging technique (get yourself close to the point of no return with your own hands, then resume intercourse). But the truth is, you have more issues than a magazine stand. And for that you need to go to a sex therapist who can help you reframe your thinking from, “I want but I can’t” to “I want but I won’t.” There’s a big difference between can’t (an inability) and won’t (an unwillingness).
In other words, you have to consciously “undecide” a subconsciously made decision. You have to convince yourself that you won’t lose control or end up her emotional slave if you let go inside her.

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